Wednesday, June 9, 2010

It's my turn to say Thank You

I am humbled.  I am grateful.  I am inspired.  I am thankful.  I am blessed. 
I feel this way because of all of you.  And I must thank you for saving me the last few days.
I have had a pretty rotten week.  I've spent a lot of time in tears, angry and overwhelmed. It's really not the week to be having such conflict either because my little sister gets married in 3 days.  But, such is life right?  When is rains it pours I guess!
Yesterday I felt so angry and past emotions & pain were brought to the surface once again.  Emotions that I've worked so hard to get through for a long time.  At one point I was so overwhelmed with anger that I felt that bingeing was the only answer.  The only way left to numb myself so I could quit feeling the intense amount of pain I was in.  I'd tried yelling, crying, talking, screaming, etc...  That's where you all came in.  Yesterday many of you commented either on my blog or Facebook that I've inspired you, kept you going, thought of me as a role model, etc.  I cannot tell you what your kind words meant to me and how they swooped into my head yesterday and beat down the demons that were resurfacing.  THANK YOU...you prevented me from bingeing and using food to become numb.  Because of your support I didn't and haven't binged.  I've talked a lot though!  I made an "emergency" appointment with my therapist who I hadn't seen in weeks cause I've been doing so great.  Instead of allowing my emotions to bottle up I've spent the last 2 days facing them and the way I feel... boy, I've come a long way.  A few years ago, the sadness that I had yesterday would have been so detrimental that it could have sent me in a tailspin physically & emotionally. 
Without this blog, without your support, without YOUR stories of success my bad day could have been much worse.  Thank you for your friendship, support and inspiration... I am forever grateful.
Sometimes we need something to happen to keep us focused on who we are, who we want to be and who we want to become.  Without challenges our lives would feel meaningless...we'd be stale and growth wouldn't be forced upon us.  I accept the challenges I've had to overcome and welcome them as a way for me to prove to myself that I am much stronger than I ever thought I could be.  NEVER back down from what you believe and KNOW to be true...no matter what the consequence.  At the end of the day if you have been honest with yourself about who you are, that's all that matters.  You should NEVER compromise your integrity for someone else's benefit.
I'm drawing strength from the lessons God taught me yesterday about myself and where He sees my life going.  So tonight I say to my Savior "I'm listening God...I'm here to follow You.  Thank you for being a part of my journey and keeping me honest with myself.  Thank you for loving me just the way I am."

These lyrics are so meaningful to me.  This song can get me through a rough patch and take my attention off where I've been and re-focus to where I'm going.

"If only you could see me yesterday
Who I used to be before the change
You'd see a broken heart
You'd see the battle scars
It's funny how words can't explain
How good it feels to finally break the chains
I'm not what I have done
I'm what I've overcome"

Fireflight: What I've Overcome

1 comment:

Shandal said...

Ah, real tears in my eyes, honest. I'm sorry you had a bad day! Good job keeping it in control girl! :)