One of my greatest fears has always been pregnancy. I hate hospitals. I have zero pain tolerance. I am afraid I'll gain a ton of weight & never get it off. I am afraid of what happened to me just two months ago.
I can remember lying in the hospital waiting to hear if we had miscarried and saying to my husband "This is what I've been afraid of for so long. Everything that is happening today is EVERYTHING I've been afraid of."
I will always be sad about losing our first baby. I know not everyone understands, I didn't truly understand until it happened to me either but I have always tried to be compassionate to those I know who have experienced a miscarriage. It doesn't matter if I was 5 weeks, 10 weeks, 30 weeks, etc. A baby is a baby. A loss is a loss. And it hurts. Still. Always.
I am fighting through the fear and I know someday we'll try again. I am doing everything I can to get more weight off, get more sleep, save more money, etc. etc. etc. Our day will come. We'll have babies someday, until then we trust that God keeps showing us the path to take and pray that we always always always trust in Him & the challenges He presents us.