Monday, November 15, 2010

Out of MY Hands... it was from the start.

Some people hear God talking to them all the time.  I'm not one of those people.  But, today I heard Him.  Loud & clear.
I was up all night.  Insomnia took over, anxiety got the best of me.  My husband started his new job today and as I laid my head down last night I couldn't stop my mind, literally couldn't stop it.  If you've ever felt your heart pound so hard it feels like it's literally beating out of your chest, that's what my mind felt like when I attempted to shut my eyes.  I laid down and my mind was racing.  I could feel my eyes fluttering, there was no way I was sleeping.  I had a million things on my mind about moving, his job, our future, my job, when will we move, when will our house sell, will we find a house we love?  Where are we going to live?  Will we make friends?  For some reason last night was the night my mind chose to wrestle with these worries.  It was the first time I've gone an entire night with no sleep.  Not a wink.  I got up and caught up on 4 episodes of Grey's Anatomy & 2 episodes of Private Practice... I wasn't exaggerating, I seriously didn't sleep a wink.
So, today has been a tough day for me.  I haven't been able to turn off the anxiety I felt last night.  I was talking to a friend on the way back to work from lunch and telling her how I feel so out of control, nothing is in my control right now, my whole life is turned upside down.  I was complaining.  I stopped trusting the ONLY one in control.  GOD.
When I got off the phone I turned on the CD that was in the player.  I immediately knew God was with me, in that moment of utter weakness where I just wanted to turn the car around, drive back home & crawl under the covers...  He reminded me that my life isn't in MY hands, my life is in HIS hands... and I've got to TRUST Him with it.  I'm so grateful to have a loving Father who forgives me when I doubt His unfailing love, His path, His truth. Thank you Lord for making your ways known to me today, Thank you for this amazing opportunity in my husband's career, Thank you for reminding me of your love when I was doubting Your will.


I wasted the rescue,
Abandoned the mission.
I've failed by my own hand
And watched it all go wrong

You said You could save me
That I couldn't save myself
you said that You loved me
No matter what I've done

When the light is gone
And life is just a dare we take
Still the fight goes on
To give my heart away

And It's out of my hands
It was from the start
In light of what You've done for me
In light of what You've done for me

You lifted my head
Set me apart
In light of what You've done for me
This is what You've done for me
It's out of my hands

You grow where the light is
Like trees in the highlands
We're bent by our own plans
To keep us in the dark

And I act like an orphan
Forget that You found me
But you came like a whisper
And saved me with a spark

When the light is gone
And life is just a dare we take
Still the fight goes on and on
To give my heart away

And it's out of my hands
It was from the start
In light of what You've done for me
In light of what You've done for me

You lifted my head
Set me apart
In light of what You've done for me
This is what You've done for me
It's out of my hands
It's out of my hands

There's nothing in the world that I can offer
Nothing in the world that I can stand apart
Apart from You, apart from You

There's nothing in my life,
Nothing in my life that You haven't given to me

It's out of my hands
It was from the start
In light of what You've done
In light of what You've done

You lifted my head
You set me apart
In light of what You've done
In light of what You've done for me

Ohhh It's out of my hand
It's out of my hand
In light of what You've done for me
In light of what You've done for me

You lifted my head,
Set me apart
In light of what You've done for me
This is what You've done for me

It's out of my hands
It's out of my hands
Everything I have, Lord
Everything I gave
It's out of my hands
It's out of my hands
Oh, it's out of my hands

Jars of Clay: Out of My Hands

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